Reworking the Commandments
1 In your list of priorities, you come first. It’s what YOU want that’s important.
What are the things that turn you on?
- The cult of the perfect body?
These are the things you should concentrate on, and let the devil take the weakest.
2 If it makes you feel better, say it. And obscene gestures are OK too.
Except when other people do them to you, of course.
You’d like to spend more time with your family and have some time for yourself, but hell, you just can’t right now.
Maybe in the future, when you get through what you’ve got to do.
Yes, certainly you’re going to take some time off soon. No doubt about it.
Anyway, you’re only doing it for them.
4 Discard unnecessary people.
Life is a struggle, so it’s best to get rid of any family ties that take up unnecessary time or hold you back.
And the last thing you need is a lot of fuddy-duddy advice from old people who think they know better than you.
After all, didn’t they make mistakes in their own lives?
Who are they to give advice?
5 Look after yourself first.
The deliberate taking of another human life is a crime against society.
But this does not extend to abortion.
If you get pregnant and the time or situation is not good, then the sensible thing is to get rid of ‘it’.
You can always have a baby later, when the timing is better for you.
6 Have some fun.
Nobody’s going to know if you play around a bit on the side.
You’ll be careful. Who can it hurt?
Anyway, people weren’t meant to be monogamous. It’s just not natural. Go ahead.
7 Destroy your opponents.
This is one of the best ways of getting ahead. Find out what you can about them, and make sure the right people know about it.
So it’s not exactly true? Who cares, as long as the dirt gets smeared on them. But don’t let it get traced back to you – it might damage your own image. The worst sin is getting caught.
8 Don’t get too hung up on the truth. It’s for losers.
You have to be creative when you’re talking about something, especially if you’re talking about yourself. Or an enemy.
Funny how easy it is to fudge the facts, or the figures, when it’s to your advantage.
9 If things get tough, move on.
Other people seem to make a better go of their marriage than you’ve done, but you know it’s not your fault. You tried your hardest to make it work, didn’t you?
Maybe it’s time to look around, see if you can find someone who appreciates you better. Someone a bit more exciting, someone who doesn’t look tired.
You deserve a little pleasure in life, don’t you? And you’re getting on – you don’t want to leave it too late to have some fun.
10 If only….
you only had a bit more money, or a really snappy car, or the right clothes, you would be happy.
You know it. Really.
So go, go, go until you get those things. You may have to step on a few people, but it’ll be worth it, because things really can make you happy.
Check out the Top Ten Tips on how to get to Heaven